Monday, April 6, 2009

If only a hug could fix everything

Miss Bella ohh miss Bella

She has the tude of a drag queen on steroids. Yet the sweetness a second later of your favorite cookies fresh out of the oven.

I remember when we started on the terrible twos, god we would fight and fight and I was the hardest, meanest, mom ever. I went to bed most nights crying because how could my daughter like me I had spanked her and put her in time outs more then I had cuddled her.

I hated that she would listen to her dad like he was a new found god and fight me like I was an evil rash.

Of course her father and I were having some real problems and he moved out of the house during that time. I would wonder if she blamed me for his leaving and all of this "testing" was her way of saying I hate you and want dad home. Of course he wasn't gone very long and after he moved back in the "test's" were the same so that answered that.

These days most days we have some what of a understanding, I don't fight over everything, SO WHAT if she wants to run around dressed like a homeless street walker, SO WHAT if she truly belives brushing her hair is the end of the world. Go ahaed and dress like a crazed man who stuck his finger in a light socket, were just staying home anyhow and I think your beautiful.

She has learned that she can push and push but once I say the numbers one and then two, she is in deep shit if she doesn't stop what she is doing and get her butt here.

Yea I'm a push over alot - yea she wins. But never when her safety is on the line - or her manners, my child will say please and thank you and she will know to sit like a lady and eat with her mouth shut.

I guess this is my long winded way of saying we always work through whatever it is. I always have learned to make it work.

But lately I haven't been able to sleep, I'm worried to the core about my girl. Bella started talking at just a few months old. By a year old she was speaking full sentences, she has always been so very articulate, learning words at an incredible rate.

About 2 weeks ago we had her older cousin spend a few nights, her older cousin stutters really bad and somehow Bella just picked it up. I spent the first week saying Bella calm down say one word at a time.

The next wondering if she was doing it for attention until Friday night when I took her to my moms and reminded to be good and if she got excited use one word at a time.

She looked at me and said mom "I try to be a good girl and not stutter, I try my best I don't want to get in trouble and I know I am smart I'm trying mom."

All the sudden it clicked oh my god my daughter needs some help with this, I felt so horrible for all the times I told her hey you don't stutter. I know yours smart talk like it.

Here I thought she was just testing me again and somehow she learned to stutter from her cousin, I'm going to call a speech therapist. Because god knows this is something I don't know how to fix for her and that's all I want to do in this world.

Make sure my baby is happy healthly and living to her full potential!

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