Monday, December 8, 2008

its been a while

OK so umm HI how are you...

My world has been turned upside down then tossed around crushed and trampled and then sent into a holiday dash of a haze.

So short and sweet.

I went to the coast on my birthday, spent the best time of my life getting to once again remember why I loved my ex and understand that yes you can go from hate hating someone to love again. It just takes an open mind and a little work.

Then SURPRISE Dylan purposed to me. I said yes of course I want nothing more then a family and the person I love to work my life through.

Everything was going great I was working on a great everything is so perfect post to write with the big news.

THEN SURPRISE I have a baby on the way. Yea that one shocked us all!

Happy happy joy joy life is so great!

Then my Popo my hero (a few posts down) fell and hit his head. He suffered major head trauma after a few weeks of all the family wanting him to some how get better from the horrible turn his life had taken he passed away.

I didn't get to say goodbye. He was my hero and he is gone now I believe the pain is so deep I have not allowed myself to feel it yet, not sure I ever will.

Less then a week after his death I started to cramp and bleed. Went to the ER at 11:00pm .

About 2:00am they not so nicely told me I should or would lose the baby. Or you know maybe not not much I can do about it now good luck bye bye.

The Dr told me the same thing the next day.

I say you know what fuck you I am having this here kid because you have no idea how strong my will power is.

Other then that times are great I have a two year old that is petrified of Santa but can't wait to see him come. Makes for some great pictures.

I'm still staying home with her and with my sweet little niece. I'm taking classes to open an at home daycare in hopes that's what I can do to help support us until the kids go to school.

I have never been more happy or heartbroken then I am now.

But in the end through it all I'm so proud of where I am in life and know Popo is too.

Sorry for the keyboard vomit I will be back soon!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Mommy I cut my booty!! ohh and 23

Last night Monkey woke up about 12:45 screaming I have to poop I have to poop! I put her on the potty and waited...

And waited (have you ever waited for a two year old to poop at 12:45?)

Waited a little more and sure enough after a ton of trying nothing came out. So I put a diaper on her and said babe go back to bed, if you have to poopy go and we will change you in the morning.

This lovely morning about 6:00am I wake up to Mommy I crapped and cut my booty!!

My first thought was where did she learn the word crap? my second was ouch that had to hurt. Yet when I went to change her still nothing. poor girl has been on and off the potty all morning trying to go.

She has been walking around my sister in laws house all morning Momma I have to crap; momma my crappy hurts. I have been giving her plumb juice and saying I'm sorry baby this is why you must lay off the milk and cheese...

I sure do hope relief comes soon for the poor girl. she has a busy weekend.

Today is my 23rd birthday and me and Dylan are heading to the coast for a weekend trip. (We have never taken a vacation with just the two of us. Well we went camping once and made Monkey but that's a whole different story)

Monkey is going to her Yayas house (my mom) and has a dinner date tonight, my aunts 50th birthday Saturday and then a family dinner for my birthday.

I'm so excited yet feel bad about leaving her with the hurt booty and all ;)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Another Tag...

I am: Happy as ever
I know: My child will one day potty train
I want:To figure out a way to sdo daycare for a living
I have: Very little sanity
I hate: ignorance
I fear: Something happenong to my Monkey
I feel: Pulled in two directions, my two year old wanting to play play and my baby niece wanting to cuddle.
I hear: Jack Johnson
I smell: the sweet smell of babies head
I crave: sweeties and like 15 cups of tea a day?? not normal
I search: for free things to do in the city...
I wonder: if I'm ever going to have the guts to get knocked up!
I regret: I tgry my best not to live in my regerts.. far to many
I care: about my family duh!
I always: read books...
I am not: scared of the future
I believe: in not wasting energy on things that are out of your control.
I sing: twinkle twinlkle little star at leat 30 times a day.. & love it!
I fight: with my own emotions daily. I've been a bit crazy latly not knowing why
I write: to do lists foreverything!
I can usually be found: At home or the park.
I lose: Everything all the time! I just lost my purse for the third time this year!
I win: Because I have almost everything I ever wanted in life.
I wish: For another baby
I never: say never.
I forget: Everything after about a minute... I think its due to the car crash.
I am scared: Of someone hurting me or my baby girl so that I'm not with her in life.
I need: some tea
I am happy about: Working things out with Dylan
I tag: You...and you too! Oh, and you. I didn't forget about you!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


A few months ago I lost my baby. Not monkey, but a new baby on the way. Durning that same time I had lost my job and given up on my realationship. Times where hard, I had a two year old that was having her world ripped apart. I had to figure out how to make due with unemployment and be happy for a very confused little girl.

Sense then my ex has started to show me just how much he cared about this family. He got a new job and moved out on his own. Yet he still brings by milk, daipers, you know whatever I may need, including a coffee every morning. Basically he is here to make sure we are doing good. He didn't do much of that when he lived here. Sure I had whatever money came from his check but I wanted someone home enjoying being a family. Now just a few months later he has made a point to prove to me that he has grown up and is ready to be a family man. I can't say 100% that I am ready for him to come back, I go between its to good to be true to well is this what I really want? Do I want to be with a man who I have to push along the way? He makes me insanly happy when times are good, lately eventhough in my heart I am dieing times have been good.

Then last night I stayed at his house and it hit me like a slap in the face. I lost a child I lost something so special and rare and I couldn't even allow myself the time to cry over it. Of course once I realized that I started to cry, the first soft tears woke him up and he held me the whole time telling me how it wasn't my fault and how sorry he was. I needed that not his sorrow but my whole family knew about the baby and the loss. Everyone took my word for it when I told them ohh I'm ok its for the best.

The loss of a child is never for the best, at least not for me. My daughter is my hero she makes me a better me. Just out of love.

So no I am not OK no I don't think that this was for the best.

But if you knew me and knew what I have lived through in my life you may believe me when I say everything is fine.

I'm not fine now not right this second, but I will be. I have someone in my life that is tring to be a part of my life and understands why I may break out in tears late one night.

That in itself is enough to help me heal.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Busy Busy Bee

My goodness for being a bored stay at home momma I have been a busy busy girl. Last night I went to Bingo with some friends from my old job. My best friend won a thousand dollars on a game. I won nothing at all but I had so so much fun.

Today I have to get my booty in gear and clean my house, because I have a makeover party tonight for a few friends and I.

Tomorrow I have picture CD to finish for my mom and then a make a DORA cake. My bestfriend and I made this cake for Monkeys 2nd birthday. Now I guess thats all her older cousin wants for her birthday sunday. Both my bestfriend and I were ready to burn the damn pan when we were done. Now that she is a big winner I'm not sure I can get her to help. LOL. This means I have to make a trip to the craft store to get the correct tips again and go buy a box or two of cake mix. Not to mention googling for the directions. Then my Ex and I are going to go out on a date night. Dinner, then a movie, stop by some local clubs for entertainment. He and I have been working pretty hard on working things out. Here is to hopping :)
Then Sunday I don't have any real big plans but I do fully plan on making a great home cooked meal for my Ex and me and Monkey. There are few things I love more in this world then spending a sunday night making a wonderful dinner and relaxing around the house with family.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Domestic Goddess

Today I got up and picked Monkey up from her dads house. She was still out cold when I got home so I went and worked in my garden. To my surprise most of my tomatoes turned from green to red, well not really overnight but I thought they would space themselves more. I have 3 plants and they are huge! Right now I think its safe to say I have anywhere between 10 and 20 pound of tomatoes and still a ton more coming in a few weeks. Today was spent making and canning salsa I have never canned before today so cross your fingers I don’t get botulism. J

I plan on making Pasta sauce and stewed tomatoes with the next batch. I’m also chopping and grading Zucchini and crock neck squash for the winter.

Monkey is yet to take a nap today and I forget how badly I NEED that :P

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Popo ~

Growing up I spent m summers in California with my grandpa and my aunt and uncles. Looking back now I realize just how important that was to making me who I am today.
So many things came from my time with him. How I drink my coffee when in a bad mood, my love for Mexican food, the years I spent boxing. The years I spent trying be a bad ass to make up for the fact that I was a 4ft nothing. My Grandpa (Popo) is my hero in many ways, just like any hero I have learned so much from him. I have one hell of a right hook, so watch out if your trying to take advantage. I learned to be afraid of being alone like him, learned why I would never want to be an alcoholic. In a couple hours he is going to be back in town I have not seen him sense right after Bella was born. I’m excited.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Monkey’s Issues

I am on of the most laid back people you will ever meet. Not many things get me excited other then politics. I’m a huge hippy can’t help it I just am.
But my Monkey she is something else. At two years old the girl is already a neat freak. I love it come cleaning time when she gets a huge smile on her face and asks for something to wipe down, my house is dust free from 2 ft down :). But times like this morning I wonder if there is not more to her neatness, she had a hard night last night; up every couple of hours with bad dreams. This morning she has been in non stop cleaning mode. At this point she is pulling the magnets off of the fridge and cleaning them then lining them up in rows. She already picked up her toys and helped put away her folded laundry. Part of me worries that maybe this is some starting form of OCD but then part of me is glad that at two she has already found a way to center herself. If only I could do the same for myself. :)

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sunday 8:23pm

Ahh Sunday how I love a good Sunday. Where I come from Sundays mean a family BBQ. Amazing food, a beautiful back yard to relax in, beer or wine and a few hours of not being on full mommy alert because you have the aunts and uncles to entertain your little one. There have been many a Sunday where that was my weeks saving grace. For me right now it also means seeing my baby niece she is just a couple weeks old starting to notice her surrounding. There is nothing in this world that gives me so much joy as family. Times like these are the times that matter truly matter.

I get why my parents had children and why we saw so much of our aunts and uncles growing up. I recall it being me and my cousins fighting, playing, I was one of the boys around my cousins because that is how our family worked. My grandpa and grandma had 6 kids by the time I came around I have cousins of cousins from cousins. Great aunts and many an Ex husbands… A family of women that’s how I saw us anyway.

Now my family Sundays are much smaller – typically they are in my moms backyard and she cooks while I try to bring something to help out. My big brother he is know for the best bacon wrapped jalapeƱo, then cheese smothered scrimp. Mmm when I was pregnant with monkey I could down a whole plate of them with no worries. Tonight I failed to bring a side. In my defense I did think many a time oh shit don’t forget to make dessert through out my day. Never the less I got my perfect Sunday afternoon all though I was missing my best friend towards the end family get together are always with her there.

The icing to my Sunday cake is my monkey fell asleep on the way home and now at 8:30pm I am already relaxing, with monkey the gift of going to bed before 9pm is rare. Sleeping in is just not an option. I can’t help but think looking at the puppy curled around my feet that days like today are the days you sip on and enjoy. This is what life is about.

I’m off to set up something’s on the site and read. I truly wish you had or have had a Sunday or any day like this.

First blog – whoo hoo!

I had a blog a while ago 2 years to be exact I was going through some big life changes (first house, pregnancy, brand new to the super mom era) and did not want to forget them. My now ex would get jealous of the not so nice all be it true things I would say out of frustration about him. One night after a bad fight I deleted the blog, not because he told me to but because it was something that still bothered him. When you are fighting to save the American dream you give up things. That blog was MonkeyFacesBellaPlaces. This blog is Monkey&Mommy.

I plan to write about being a 22yr old single mother to a beautiful smart little two year old girl in our society. I will talk about balancing work and play, but never about balancing my check book. I will share my fears hopes dreams and goals for no reason other then I need any outlet.

A little back history ~ very little because it is late…

My ex moved out 3 weeks ago so I am still adjusting to being alone. Something I am enjoying more then I ever thought I would.

Two weeks ago I was laid off from work. I was the main provider for my family while my ex lived here. On average he worked 3 to 4 days a week, if that. I worked a 7-4 shift in a small car corporation I grew up in. Cleaned a couple houses on the weekends to make ends meat and pay off my house. The economy is shit now and I was a computer equipment order clerk, lets just say people are doing with out a lot these days. My position was one of the things that went away… ;P

I took this as an opportunity because well hell to many bad things have happened to us lately. I’m at home with my daughter as of now looking into going back to school problem is it’s a lot of money to spend not knowing what the hell you want to be. I am also applying to jobs dream jobs that I would love to have, I would like to work either with children or the elderly. But then again part of my soul really enjoyed the corporate world. Maybe someday I can find a good corporate man who can treat a lady as one. But that’s just wishful thinking, right now I have a little girl to worry about and most men run for that.

To be honest my dream is to be a mom not just any mom but the best mom I can be, that is what gets me up in the morning. Nothing has ever gone so completely right in my life then my little girl .

So please feel free to join me in my journey and slap me in the face with good advice along the way.