Saturday, June 27, 2009


I'm still here waiting for my little girl to come. They induce me on Thursday, but I have been crampy all last night and this morning, I'm hoping I will start some sort of a real labor pattern I would like to have the baby before the 4th of July.

But umm really its not up to me at all...

Anyway here is to hopefully going into labor ! cheers!

Monday, April 27, 2009

How did this happen

See that little ticker over to the side- it says I will have a baby in 60 (or so) days... WOW it blows my mind. I think we have a name: Aylah or you could spell it Aila or Ailah or Ayla. Its pronounced A-lah which is why I like the Aylah spelling when you put the I in there I think it makes it look more like a I-lah

I love that its short easy to say and seems to have some spunk yet class to it. Of course this one still doesn't feel right, I think maybe I just need to see the baby this time.

Friday is Bella's birthday she will be 3 I don't know why but that feels SO old to me! I think its because we have another baby coming so soon.

I have everything ready for her birthday party on Saturday (whoop) she is so excited. I really want to make sure to do a little something for her on Friday. Dylan's brother is getting married so maybe I will just get up early and make waffles or something. My mom is planning on taking Bella shopping after the wedding if its not too late. She is an awesome grandma - who wouldn't want to go shop for their own presents.

Friday, April 24, 2009

What is in a name

meme madness for no particular reason...other than to laugh at!

Kylei Donell Saaranen

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
lei howard

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad, or mother’s mother and father’s mother if you’re a female)
Barbara Betty

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
green lab

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Donell Medford

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Blue/Purple chocolate chai

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Vanilla choco chip

10.SKANK NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Angel Elm

11.GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of first name plus 'izzle')

12.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Samurai

13. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, and fav candy:
Lucky you Cadbury Creme Egg

Thursday, April 23, 2009


I've been busy real busy so says the doctor. He also said something along the lines of hey dumb ass slow down you are making a child. lol

Geez this last week was so full, full of fun and wonderful times with my family, full of memories of my grandfather, full of food and people loving on my belly.

Last Saturday almost all of my moms side of the family came down for a dedication in memory of my grandfather.

The day was beautiful, most importantly people remembered my grandfather for what he did best. Love and care for kids. That is who I think he really was. I know he was watching over us with pride on that day.

Getting everything ready for that day and then the day its self really took all of my energy, in fact I spent most of the next day out on the porch reading a book and soaking in the sun. While Dylan replaced the starter in my car which choose to take a dump on us Saturday night.

The next afternoon about 3 I noticed I was cramping a little and had loss some mucus, (sorry TMI) Called my mom who is normally my everything is ok chill out person. She told me to call the doctor. The nurse said go to the hospital now silly girl. Then later a doctor called and said he wanted to fit me in. (I go to a clinic and while a lot of people seem to think its a bad idea I have been going long enough that its like having 10 doctors who know you.)

The doctor confirmed that yep I was losing mucus but that is OK sense my water had not broke and the baby was in no stress. He also did this cool test that can tell if you have a chance of giving birth within the week. That came back negative also.

I was sent home freaked out by the fact that I am not superwoman and told to relax more and pace myself. I'm not the type to pace myself I do best under stress, so now in the spirit of pacing myself I plan on having everything ready for Bella's birthday this weekend.

She turns 3!! on the 1st of May that's next Friday. I can not believe how fast she is growing.

Dylan's brother is getting married Friday (to one of the most wonderful ladies I know, lucky lucky boy) the 1st so we are having a simple pizza party for Bella that Sunday. I'm going to help set up for the wedding Thursday and get the flower girls and myself ready the day of the wedding. So I don't want to have to do anything Saturday but relax for Sunday.

Hard to believe how fast life is going by for us. Its hard to believe soon we will have two little girls and be finished growing our little family. I don't know how my life turned out to be so blessed as god knows I probably don't deserve all of this. But I am thankful for every moment I have living this way.
Sorry the update is jumbled just wanted to catch up. :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I have spent the last few days stressing about "the call back" reading everything possible on the net on 2-3 year old stuttering and what to do. Realizing that for every site that said not to worry and to try doing this there was another that said the sky is falling and its up to you to hold it up.

Finally the sweetest woman called as I was running up three flights of stairs late for my Yoga class. After explaining to the nice lady that nope I'm not having a heart attack just 7 months prego running up steps to yoga. She giggled and offered to call back at a later time.

HA yea right. I took a seat right there on those steps and told her nothing was more important then her call and advise so give it to me doc.

She asked what "symptoms" were showing to worry me.

I rattled them off
  • She's almost 3 - has been talking full sentences sense she was one. Learning at least a word a day from 6 months.
  • Seemed to almost pick it up from her cousin, even though I know you can not learn to stutter.
  • Doesn't stutter on the letter so much as the word at the beginning of a sentence. like "what what what is that mom."
  • Or sometimes the middle and the beginning words. "what what what is tha tha that mom"
  • She knows she is stuttering and can't help it and asked me for help, so you know whatever we have to do we will do it.

Then she nicely told me how I am doing EVERYTHING wrong :) LOL

She believes that her vocabulary has out grown her fine motor skills. So Bella knows what she wants to say and her mouth just will not say it as fast as her mind is going. The therapist believes that with just home help she can grow out of her stuttering with in a few months.

She gave us great rules to follow that made sense to me.
  • Do not stop her mid-sentence to tell her not to stutter or slow down. (which is what I had been doing)
  • After she has a problem saying a sentence respond to her slowly and if possible repeat the same thing she asked in her question in your answer. So I would say "what is that Bella? ohh that's (insert whatever)"
  • Talk slowly to her so she knows its OK to take a breath and talk slow.
  • Make eye contact
  • Let her know she has your full attention. Tell her Mom is listening to you Bella.
  • Do Not tell her she is doing something wrong because that will cause a blockage and add more frustration.
  • Make sure any adults in her life know the "rules" so that she is getting the same message from everyone.

Then she told me to try that for a few months, that there was no magic number and trust my gut. (something I really love to hear from a specialist) Also to watch out for her voice to just give out on her. Like she can't say the letter M even though she is trying. To also watch out for frustration on her end. That way we can get her help before she chooses to stop learning all her new words. If any of those things start to happen give her a call back and she will see her right away.

I feel much better knowing what we can do here at home, I just hope she doesn't realize my heart breaks a little every time she has such a hard time saying what she wants to say.

Even if she is saying something mean to her mean old mom.

Well thankfully my mom reminded me that this Sunday is Easter not next Sunday... SO I'mbusy doing all the things I offered to do thinking I had an extra week.

Monday, April 6, 2009

If only a hug could fix everything

Miss Bella ohh miss Bella

She has the tude of a drag queen on steroids. Yet the sweetness a second later of your favorite cookies fresh out of the oven.

I remember when we started on the terrible twos, god we would fight and fight and I was the hardest, meanest, mom ever. I went to bed most nights crying because how could my daughter like me I had spanked her and put her in time outs more then I had cuddled her.

I hated that she would listen to her dad like he was a new found god and fight me like I was an evil rash.

Of course her father and I were having some real problems and he moved out of the house during that time. I would wonder if she blamed me for his leaving and all of this "testing" was her way of saying I hate you and want dad home. Of course he wasn't gone very long and after he moved back in the "test's" were the same so that answered that.

These days most days we have some what of a understanding, I don't fight over everything, SO WHAT if she wants to run around dressed like a homeless street walker, SO WHAT if she truly belives brushing her hair is the end of the world. Go ahaed and dress like a crazed man who stuck his finger in a light socket, were just staying home anyhow and I think your beautiful.

She has learned that she can push and push but once I say the numbers one and then two, she is in deep shit if she doesn't stop what she is doing and get her butt here.

Yea I'm a push over alot - yea she wins. But never when her safety is on the line - or her manners, my child will say please and thank you and she will know to sit like a lady and eat with her mouth shut.

I guess this is my long winded way of saying we always work through whatever it is. I always have learned to make it work.

But lately I haven't been able to sleep, I'm worried to the core about my girl. Bella started talking at just a few months old. By a year old she was speaking full sentences, she has always been so very articulate, learning words at an incredible rate.

About 2 weeks ago we had her older cousin spend a few nights, her older cousin stutters really bad and somehow Bella just picked it up. I spent the first week saying Bella calm down say one word at a time.

The next wondering if she was doing it for attention until Friday night when I took her to my moms and reminded to be good and if she got excited use one word at a time.

She looked at me and said mom "I try to be a good girl and not stutter, I try my best I don't want to get in trouble and I know I am smart I'm trying mom."

All the sudden it clicked oh my god my daughter needs some help with this, I felt so horrible for all the times I told her hey you don't stutter. I know yours smart talk like it.

Here I thought she was just testing me again and somehow she learned to stutter from her cousin, I'm going to call a speech therapist. Because god knows this is something I don't know how to fix for her and that's all I want to do in this world.

Make sure my baby is happy healthly and living to her full potential!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Grrr I'm so annoyed! Please allow me to vent
I watch this little girl to help bring in some money for the bills. I have been watching her for almost 3 months. She has had a really horrible cough for 2 out of those 3 months. I mean hacking nasty stuff up horrible not just a little cough. I was giving her medication at first until I had bought bottles worth of medication and her mother never so much as thanked me. I mean if Bella is sick with anything more then a couple weeks I get her to a FUCKING DOCTOR.

Bella has gotten and gotten rid of this stupid cough 3 times I know its the same thing because it always starts out with her throwing up for a whole day then fighting the cold syptoms. Dylan has missed 2 days of work because of this stupid ass cold same with him he throws up for a whole day then has a cold. I have had it god knows how many times, except I don't throw up for a day, just have a day with my tummy in knots where I can't eat. Now this morning I wake up with the same old cold again. Think to myself oh yippee here we go. Went along with my day until about 10:45 I had a horrible coughing attack, I started coughing so hard that I threw up. That was about the point I got pissed. Enough is e-fucking-nough.

I'm 7 months pregnant the last thing I need is some nasty cold to get me in the hospital and put the baby in danger.

Tonight when the girls mom comes to pick her up I am going to tell her that she either get her a doctor appointment or not bother to bring her in. I have nicely reminded her about her daughter bad cold at least 3 times a week for the past 3 months. I mean her mother has gone to the doctor because she feels so sick from the cold or whatever it is. How do you pony up the money to take your self to the damn doctor because your daughter got you sick and not bother to take your child who is still sick.

With the money I have spent in cold medication and wages loss from Dylan being sick I could have paid for the damn doctor appointment myself by now.

I don't know what makes me more mad, that I am coughing up a lung, that my kid is coughing again or that this woman could care less that her child has been sick with something for 3 months...

Has to be the last one... Just has to be

God my ribs hurt......