its been a while

OK so umm HI how are you...

My world has been turned upside down then tossed around crushed and trampled and then sent into a holiday dash of a haze.


So short and sweet.

I went to the coast on my birthday, spent the best time of my life getting to once again remember why I loved my ex and understand that yes you can go from hate hating someone to love again. It just takes an open mind and a little work.

Then SURPRISE Dylan purposed to me. I said yes of course I want nothing more then a family and the person I love to work my life through.

Everything was going great I was working on a great everything is so perfect post to write with the big news.

THEN SURPRISE I have a baby on the way. Yea that one shocked us all!

Happy happy joy joy life is so great!

Then my Popo my hero (a few posts down) fell and hit his head. He suffered major head trauma after a few weeks of all the family wanting him to some how get better from the horrible turn his life had taken he passed away.

I didn't get to say goodbye. He was my hero and he is gone now I believe the pain is so deep I have not allowed myself to feel it yet, not sure I ever will.

Less then a week after his death I started to cramp and bleed. Went to the ER at 11:00pm .

About 2:00am they not so nicely told me I should or would lose the baby. Or you know maybe not not much I can do about it now good luck bye bye.

The Dr told me the same thing the next day.

I say you know what fuck you I am having this here kid because you have no idea how strong my will power is.

Other then that times are great I have a two year old that is petrified of Santa but can't wait to see him come. Makes for some great pictures.

I'm still staying home with her and with my sweet little niece. I'm taking classes to open an at home daycare in hopes that's what I can do to help support us until the kids go to school.

I have never been more happy or heartbroken then I am now.

But in the end through it all I'm so proud of where I am in life and know Popo is too.

Sorry for the keyboard vomit I will be back soon!