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I have spent the last few days stressing about "the call back" reading everything possible on the net on 2-3 year old stuttering and what to do. Realizing that for every site that said not to worry and to try doing this there was another that said the sky is falling and its up to you to hold it up.

Finally the sweetest woman called as I was running up three flights of stairs late for my Yoga class. After explaining to the nice lady that nope I'm not having a heart attack just 7 months prego running up steps to yoga. She giggled and offered to call back at a later time.

HA yea right. I took a seat right there on those steps and told her nothing was more important then her call and advise so give it to me doc.

She asked what "symptoms" were showing to worry me.

I rattled them off

• She's almost 3 - has been talking full sentences sense she was one. Learning at least a word a day from 6 months.
• Seemed to almost pick it up from her cousin, even though I know you can not learn to stutter.
• Doesn't stutter on the letter so much as the word at the beginning of a sentence. like "what what what is that mom."
• Or sometimes the middle and the beginning words. "what what what is tha tha that mom"
• She knows she is stuttering and can't help it and asked me for help, so you know whatever we have to do we will do it.

Then she nicely told me how I am doing EVERYTHING wrong :) LOL

She believes that her vocabulary has out grown her fine motor skills. So Bella knows what she wants to say and her mouth just will not say it as fast as her mind is going. The therapist believes that with just home help she can grow out of her stuttering with in a few months.

She gave us great rules to follow that made sense to me.

• Do not stop her mid-sentence to tell her not to stutter or slow down. (which is what I had been doing)
• After she has a problem saying a sentence respond to her slowly and if possible repeat the same thing she asked in her question in your answer. So I would say "what is that Bella? ohh that's (insert whatever)"
• Talk slowly to her so she knows its OK to take a breath and talk slow.
• Make eye contact
• Let her know she has your full attention. Tell her Mom is listening to you Bella.
• Do Not tell her she is doing something wrong because that will cause a blockage and add more frustration.
• Make sure any adults in her life know the "rules" so that she is getting the same message from everyone.

Then she told me to try that for a few months, that there was no magic number and trust my gut. (something I really love to hear from a specialist) Also to watch out for her voice to just give out on her. Like she can't say the letter M even though she is trying. To also watch out for frustration on her end. That way we can get her help before she chooses to stop learning all her new words. If any of those things start to happen give her a call back and she will see her right away.

I feel much better knowing what we can do here at home, I just hope she doesn't realize my heart breaks a little every time she has such a hard time saying what she wants to say.

Even if she is saying something mean to her mean old mom.

Well thankfully my mom reminded me that this Sunday is Easter not next Sunday... SO I'mbusy doing all the things I offered to do thinking I had an extra week.

If only a hug could fix everything

Miss Bella ohh miss Bella

She has the tude of a drag queen on steroids. Yet the sweetness a second later of your favorite cookies fresh out of the oven.

I remember when we started on the terrible twos, god we would fight and fight and I was the hardest, meanest, mom ever. I went to bed most nights crying because how could my daughter like me I had spanked her and put her in time outs more then I had cuddled her.

I hated that she would listen to her dad like he was a new found god and fight me like I was an evil rash.

Of course her father and I were having some real problems and he moved out of the house during that time. I would wonder if she blamed me for his leaving and all of this "testing" was her way of saying I hate you and want dad home. Of course he wasn't gone very long and after he moved back in the "test's" were the same so that answered that.

These days most days we have some what of a understanding, I don't fight over everything, SO WHAT if she wants to run around dressed like a homeless street walker, SO WHAT if she truly belives brushing her hair is the end of the world. Go ahaed and dress like a crazed man who stuck his finger in a light socket, were just staying home anyhow and I think your beautiful.

She has learned that she can push and push but once I say the numbers one and then two, she is in deep shit if she doesn't stop what she is doing and get her butt here.

Yea I'm a push over alot - yea she wins. But never when her safety is on the line - or her manners, my child will say please and thank you and she will know to sit like a lady and eat with her mouth shut.

I guess this is my long winded way of saying we always work through whatever it is. I always have learned to make it work.

But lately I haven't been able to sleep, I'm worried to the core about my girl. Bella started talking at just a few months old. By a year old she was speaking full sentences, she has always been so very articulate, learning words at an incredible rate.

About 2 weeks ago we had her older cousin spend a few nights, her older cousin stutters really bad and somehow Bella just picked it up. I spent the first week saying Bella calm down say one word at a time.

The next wondering if she was doing it for attention until Friday night when I took her to my moms and reminded to be good and if she got excited use one word at a time.

She looked at me and said mom "I try to be a good girl and not stutter, I try my best I don't want to get in trouble and I know I am smart I'm trying mom."

All the sudden it clicked oh my god my daughter needs some help with this, I felt so horrible for all the times I told her hey you don't stutter. I know yours smart talk like it.

Here I thought she was just testing me again and somehow she learned to stutter from her cousin, I'm going to call a speech therapist. Because god knows this is something I don't know how to fix for her and that's all I want to do in this world.

Make sure my baby is happy healthly and living to her full potential!

Sick AGIAN

Grrr I'm so annoyed! Please allow me to vent
I watch this little girl to help bring in some money for the bills. I have been watching her for almost 3 months. She has had a really horrible cough for 2 out of those 3 months. I mean hacking nasty stuff up horrible not just a little cough. I was giving her medication at first until I had bought bottles worth of medication and her mother never so much as thanked me. I mean if Bella is sick with anything more then a couple weeks I get her to a FUCKING DOCTOR.

Bella has gotten and gotten rid of this stupid cough 3 times I know its the same thing because it always starts out with her throwing up for a whole day then fighting the cold syptoms. Dylan has missed 2 days of work because of this stupid ass cold same with him he throws up for a whole day then has a cold. I have had it god knows how many times, except I don't throw up for a day, just have a day with my tummy in knots where I can't eat. Now this morning I wake up with the same old cold again. Think to myself oh yippee here we go. Went along with my day until about 10:45 I had a horrible coughing attack, I started coughing so hard that I threw up. That was about the point I got pissed. Enough is e-fucking-nough.

I'm 7 months pregnant the last thing I need is some nasty cold to get me in the hospital and put the baby in danger.

Tonight when the girls mom comes to pick her up I am going to tell her that she either get her a doctor appointment or not bother to bring her in. I have nicely reminded her about her daughter bad cold at least 3 times a week for the past 3 months. I mean her mother has gone to the doctor because she feels so sick from the cold or whatever it is. How do you pony up the money to take your self to the damn doctor because your daughter got you sick and not bother to take your child who is still sick.

With the money I have spent in cold medication and wages loss from Dylan being sick I could have paid for the damn doctor appointment myself by now.

I don't know what makes me more mad, that I am coughing up a lung, that my kid is coughing again or that this woman could care less that her child has been sick with something for 3 months...


Has to be the last one... Just has to be

God my ribs hurt......

TO~DO list

Hi, I do believe I am nesting, because I WANT to clean and do you know stuff to the house and places with in the house like you know organizing my cleaning products, because we all know that's a MUST do.

Outside:
Clean out old Car ~ so we can maybe sale it???
Pull Weeds
Put down bark in front yard
Put stuff in shed - random stuff like the random tire in our yard.
Clean up dog Doo doo -
weed eat the yard, (our yard is small so we don't need a mower)
Plant some Grass Seed
Till up Garden and add more soil
Power wash house
PLANT VEGGIES (this is the best most fun thing in my life. I love my little garden!)
Plant herbs in front pots (I'm doing this rather then planting a bunch of flowers that will die.)
Plant Flowers in hanging pots.

Inside:
Fix drains, they don't suck down the water like they used too??
Clean out bedroom closet. I feel like I do this ever 3 months...
Organize movies ~
Clean under couches and T.V. stand
Organize pot and pans (So Bella can pull them out and play with them)
Organize cleaning products under the sink
Wash down Walls
Clean Dog Kennel
Organize shelf above washer and dryer
Take old clothes to good will
Organize baby clothes by age (DONE)
Buy storage bins for baby clothes
Get Babies clothes ready (DONE)
Buy Crib and Crib Bedding (DONE)
Buy Car Seat
Buy High Chair
Take pictures of glider rocker, extra play pen, and extra baby swing to sale

All this while - keeping up on the house work, Playing with Bella (cause how can I not!), being a short order cook.

Ohh yea and name the baby. I'm back to Melah ~ I just wish I loved something, ANYTHING lol

Then vs Now

Every pregnancy is different I wanted to take a moment to share the differences.

With Bella I could tell you what month /week/ day/ fucking second I was into the pregnancy.
Last night my mom said so just a couple more months until she is here huh, and I said umm yea like 3 or something.

Bella never moved so it was a HUGE deal when she gave just a tiny squirm.
This lady never stops so while I do spend a little time each night laughing at her rolling around part of me wishes she would stop using my innards as a trampoline.

I had the pregnancy body women envy with Bella you couldn't tell from the back I had a baby on board. My tummy looked like I swallowed a little soccer ball. I was wearing my "normal" clothes the whole time.
This time my muffin tops are in over drive... and my ass is getting wide

Last time Dylan walked on egg shells about saying things that may hurt my feelings. (we were a fairly new couple)
This time he says funny ass things like hon do you think a one piece bathing suit will fit you? I mean with your big belly and all.

With Bella I couldn't wait to have her and bring her home.
This time while I am excited I know how hard it is once they get home.

Wow am I busy

So you would think for someone who stays home and watches kids all day I would update more. But umm I'm busy - you know finger painting, teaching ABCs, and a song in case you get lost. (It was my moms idea - its just mine and Dylans phone number.) In case Bella gets lost not so much me.

We found out we are having another little girl, while I really wanted a boy sense this is our last baby, I am so so happy to have a girl. This lil one is much much more active then Bella was in the belly. only problem is I have no IDEA what to name her.


Her middle name will be Sue.

As far as first names so far I like


Meilah (me-la)
Cholei
Hailei
Kaleiah (ka-le-ah)
kerti (key-r-t)

so far Dylan says (in order)
ehh I don't hate it
like it but isn't everyone named that (he is right)
Again like it but we want something a little less common
WTF no kylei - we are middle class white people we were not blessed enough to be islanders
Fuck no - Say that 5 times fast hon. I bet ya can't


Bella's name is actually
Aleina (A-lean-a) Bella

He liked the name hated the spelling but told me after I gave birth I could name her whatever I wanted and spell it as messed up as I wanted.


So if you happen to have any girly names let me know :)

its been a while

OK so umm HI how are you...

My world has been turned upside down then tossed around crushed and trampled and then sent into a holiday dash of a haze.


So short and sweet.

I went to the coast on my birthday, spent the best time of my life getting to once again remember why I loved my ex and understand that yes you can go from hate hating someone to love again. It just takes an open mind and a little work.

Then SURPRISE Dylan purposed to me. I said yes of course I want nothing more then a family and the person I love to work my life through.

Everything was going great I was working on a great everything is so perfect post to write with the big news.

THEN SURPRISE I have a baby on the way. Yea that one shocked us all!

Happy happy joy joy life is so great!

Then my Popo my hero (a few posts down) fell and hit his head. He suffered major head trauma after a few weeks of all the family wanting him to some how get better from the horrible turn his life had taken he passed away.

I didn't get to say goodbye. He was my hero and he is gone now I believe the pain is so deep I have not allowed myself to feel it yet, not sure I ever will.

Less then a week after his death I started to cramp and bleed. Went to the ER at 11:00pm .

About 2:00am they not so nicely told me I should or would lose the baby. Or you know maybe not not much I can do about it now good luck bye bye.

The Dr told me the same thing the next day.

I say you know what fuck you I am having this here kid because you have no idea how strong my will power is.

Other then that times are great I have a two year old that is petrified of Santa but can't wait to see him come. Makes for some great pictures.

I'm still staying home with her and with my sweet little niece. I'm taking classes to open an at home daycare in hopes that's what I can do to help support us until the kids go to school.

I have never been more happy or heartbroken then I am now.

But in the end through it all I'm so proud of where I am in life and know Popo is too.

Sorry for the keyboard vomit I will be back soon!